Three Styles of Vows for Your Wedding Ceremony
Vows are essentially the heart of a wedding ceremony. In a strictly legal sense, as Wedding Officiants, witnessing your vows is probably the most important part of our job. It’s where you tell each other, your guests, and, well, the government, that you really want to marry each other. But more than that, your vows are the moment that your whole ceremony builds up to, and often the part that people look forward to hearing most. It’s the whole reason you’re doing this thing, so let’s make it amazing!
There are three types of vows (and a bonus style) that Emily and I frequently use in wedding ceremonies. We like to call them “I do”, “repeat-after-me”, and “write-your-own”. The bonus style is a hybrid. We’ve also seen many couples who want to use a more simple vow style in their ceremony, and then say their own personally written vows in private after the ceremony is over, which is super cool! But for the purposes of this blog post we’re talking strictly about what you’re doing during your ceremony. I’m going to give you an explanation of each vow style and tell you what’s great about it.
“I do”
Most of the couples I work with fall into one of two categories, and they usually already know which one they’re in: there are those who want to say something personal in front of everyone, and there are those who want to say as little as possible. “I do” vows are great for those of you who fall into the second category! Your officiant asks you a question and all you have to say is two very short words: “I do”. The great thing about this style of vow is that we can personalize it and make it sweet and romantic and yours, but when you’re standing up there in front of everyone those two words are still the only thing you have to publicly vocalize. We have a beautiful selection of “I do” vows that you can choose from, or you can use your own words or tweak something from ours. They’re sweet, infinitely personalizable, and there’s just something so romantic about these vows that it’s no wonder they’re a classic.
“Repeat-After-Me”
This style of vows is perfect for those people who are nervous about writing their own vows, but still want to say a few more words themselves. With “repeat after me” vows your officiant asks you to repeat some words, and then she gives you your lines and all you have to do is say them back. You get to state your promises to each other, but we make it easy for you. With these vows you’re also welcome to select something of ours or to get more creative. A great example of custom repeat-after-me vows is something I wrote for Lisa and Brian, a couple whose wedding ceremony I performed in Morrisville. These two wanted a light-hearted, non-traditional ceremony and they also happened to be huge fans of Friends and Marvel. Here’s what we came up with:
“Lisa, I promise you
That I will always try to see you
For who you truly are
That I will embrace all of you
That my crazy will continue to match your crazy,
big time
and I will be your lobster
For all the days of our lives”
If writing your own vows feels too intimidating but “I do” vows feel too boring, this is a great choice for you!
3. “Write Your Own”
If you’re the creative type or don’t mind spilling your heart in front of all your guests, writing your own vows is a sure-fire way to get an “awwwww” from the crowd (and it’s def gonna make your mom cry). Yes, there is a high likelihood that you will also cry in front of everyone, but that’s part of what makes personalized vows so sweet. Because these can be so different and wonderful from person to person I tend not to give people strong guidelines unless they just have no idea where to start, but I do advise my couples to email me their vows ahead of time. This serves two purposes:
1. I can look over your vows and let you know if there are any glaring problems or differences. For example, if one partner’s vows are three pages and the other’s are three sentences, or if one is super snarky and the other really serious, it’s going to be awkward. I’ll give you some tips and guidance if I think it’s a good idea to revise something.
2. If you’ve sent your vows your officiant will have them printed and ready in her binder, so when the time comes to read them you don’t have to worry about where you put them, your officiant will simply hand you the paper. Easy!
BONUS: “The Hybrid”
This one’s for those of you who can’t decide or just want it all! Some people want to write their own vows, but like the closure of the “I do” vows— so we do them both! And sometimes the couple prefers that I announce that they will be reading each other notes of appreciation and then follow that with either “I do” or “repeat-after-me” vows. This takes some of the pressure off of their personal notes to each other as “notes of appreciation” doesn’t carry quite the same weight as “vows”. “The Hybrid” encompasses all the ways we can mix-and-match vow styles to make that special moment exactly what you want it to be!
Vows can be so incredibly special, and you don’t want to miss out on those amazing feels for your ceremony by doing something too rote or impersonal. Hopefully this provides you with some idea of what you want, or at least gives you something to start thinking about. Whatever style of vow you choose, you can make it meaningful and beautiful for both you and your guests!
