Custom Wedding Ceremonies, Bilingual & Courthouse Alternative Weddings

Did you know that April is National Poetry Month? A lot of people assume that poetry is boring or inaccessible, but there many beautiful readings out there for the modern reader, and so many wonderful love poems! One of the simplest ways to personalize a wedding ceremony is to include a reading that is meaningful to you. There are a lot of great reasons to have a reading as part of your ceremony… but there are also some good reasons not to. If you’re not sure what’s right for you, the following may help you get a better idea of when it’s a good idea to include a reading in your ceremony.

A Reading Can be a Wonderful Way to Include Friends or Family Members:

All your favorite people are here to support and celebrate you on this incredible day, but let’s face it, a few of those people are just an extra level of special. Maybe it’s a parent, your best friend, or your own kid, but your wedding is a great time to put the spotlight on them for just a minute and show how important their love has been in getting you to this day. There are many different ways to achieve that, and one of them is asking your loved one to read something you’ve selected during your wedding ceremony. Typically your officiant will decide where the reading is best placed in the ceremony (although you can certainly make a request), and when that point in the ceremony arrives she will say something like, “The bride and groom have selected a special poem to be read by the mother of the bride. Anna, I invite you to come read that now.” The reader comes to the front, takes the microphone, and reads the selection you’ve chosen. Even if you want a loved one to read but don’t know what you want read, your officiant should be able to send you some great ideas.

Here are a few things you’ll want to consider:

First, is the friend or family member you’ve asked to read comfortable with reading in front of everyone? You’ll want to ask them well ahead of time.
Will this person do a good job? Even if they’re willing, if they’re likely to mumble through the reading so that no one can understand what they’re saying you may want to find a different way to honor them. If you’ve heard them read out loud before you should have an idea of how it will go. You may even want to have them read it to you beforehand so you can give them tips such as, “That’s great! I think it might sound even better if you slow down a little.”
Is this person likely to go off the rails? If they are, are you okay with that? We’ve all got that one uncle who’s just waiting to steal the spotlight… and that’s probably not who you want to ask to do a reading. If for some reason you really feel like they’re the right one for the job, anyway, make sure you warn your officiant ahead of time so that they can step in with a “Thank you, that was beautiful” at your nod, if needed.
Have I communicated with my officiant about who will bring the printed reading? At Oak City Ceremonies we keep a copy of the reading in our script binder, which we hand to the reader when they reach the front. But we only started doing this after Rebecca officiated a wedding where she assumed the reader had a copy, until the reader got to the front empty-handed. Fortunately Rebecca had an extra copy in her purse just in case, but first there was an awkward pause while a coordinator ran to the kitchen to grab it. Not a mistake we’ll let happen again, but it’s a good idea to check!

A Reading Can Be a Way to Express Your Love Uniquely:

Do you have a poem or a passage from a book that speaks to you of love and of the way you feel about your soon-to-be spouse? A scripture or other passage that is particularly meaningful? It will probably fit perfectly in your ceremony! Love is an incredible emotion, so extraordinary and yet perfectly ordinary that it can be really difficult to express in words. So if you’ve found something that really hits the nail on the head for you, use it! Personally I love when people have something picked out because it helps me to understand the idea they’re trying to convey, and build their ceremony around that. If you’ve already got something like this, even if you don’t have a loved one who seems like the right person to read it, I suggest asking your officiant to include it, reading it herself— you already know she’s got a great reading voice and isn’t going to cause drama!

Things you’ll want to consider:

How will this go over with my guests? Read it out loud, and imagine it being read at your ceremony. Will everyone else feel the magic of it, too? Most of the time it’s going to be just as beautiful as when you first read it on the page, but every once in a while it’s just too niche or too personal and it’s a flop. Your officiant should be able to advise you on that if you ask, too.
How long is it? Your reading may be beautiful, but if it’s super long or meandering it’s going to get awkward.

A Reading Can Add Interest and Variety:

In a world of Tiktoks and Reels, attention spans are getting shorter and shorter. If your officiant is planning to stand in front of your guests and talk for fifteen minutes about love… you may lose people’s attention, no matter how beautiful the selected words are. Adding a reading can break things up a bit, especially if someone other than your officiant is reading. Variety is the spice of life, and a beautiful reading might be the variety you need! Now, if you’ve booked us for a Custom Ceremony I can guarantee you that this is not going to be an issue because the Custom keeps people engaged without extras, but if you’ve chosen the Standard Ceremony I’m more likely to recommend a reading to break things up a bit.

When NOT to do a reading:

Most of the time a reading is a great idea, but there are a few exceptions. The biggest one being, if nothing feels right, don’t force it. If you ask your officiant for suggestions or read lists on the internet and nothing speaks to you, just go without. This is your wedding, and it should express who you are as a couple!

Another great reason not to do a reading is if you’re doing it out of obligation just because you feel like your ceremony needs to be longer or because someone else says you should. Once again, your wedding, do it your way! I promise you’ll be happiest if you look back and know you chose to do the things that felt authentic and right to you.

I want to end by sharing a poem that’s a little more non-traditional, which is one of my favorites for weddings. It’s called “All I Know About Love”, by Neil Gaiman.

This is everything I have to tell you about love: nothing.

This is everything I've learned about marriage: nothing.

Only that the world out there is complicated,

and there are beasts in the night, and delight and pain,

and the only thing that makes it okay, sometimes,

is to reach out a hand in the darkness and find another hand to squeeze,

and not to be alone.

It's not the kisses, or never just the kisses: it's what they mean.

Somebody's got your back.

Somebody knows your worst self and somehow doesn't want to rescue you

or send for the army to rescue them.

It's not two broken halves becoming one.

It's the light from a distant lighthouse bringing you both safely home

because home is wherever you are both together.

So this is everything I have to tell you about love and marriage: nothing,

like a book without pages or a forest without trees.

Because there are things you cannot know before you experience them.

Because no study can prepare you for the joys or the trials.

Because nobody else's love, nobody else's marriage, is like yours,

and it's a road you can only learn by walking it,

a dance you cannot be taught,

a song that did not exist before you began, together, to sing.

And because in the darkness you will reach out a hand,

not knowing for certain if someone else is even there.

And your hands will meet,

and then neither of you will ever need to be alone again.

And that's all I know about love.

Tips for Including Readings or Poems in Your Wedding Ceremony

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